The best things you can send with your child to college aren’t going to come from an Amazon wishlist or a big box store. (Now, before you panic, I love a good concrete checklist, too, and I’m including that for you at the end.)
The following tips are based on my experience as a college student, as a professor, and as the mother of two college-aged kids … and I’m sure my third will make me completely revamp some of this. If you’re new here, welcome to motherhood, where it’s good to have a plan but always remain flexible.
Basic life skills
Here’s a real life story for you. Our eldest called two weeks into school shocked at the basic things her suitemates didn’t know how to do. Granted, we are homeschoolers, so being part of the household chores was normal for my kids, but I don’t want to believe other students were never exposed to basic cooking, laundry, and cleaning skills. Definitely teach them how to use the washing machine and dryer, as well as reminding them those dorm appliances aren’t always the best. DO NOT USE PODS unless you want a sticky, goopy mess on your clothes. Don’t leave your laundry unattended for hours on end because other students need those machines. Be kind to your roommate and skip all the heavy fragrance stuff.
More and more schools have the option for students (even freshman) to use a kitchen these days. Our daughter had one on the first floor of her dorm, and one week in, she asked for pots and pans to cook her own meals because she hated the food in the dining hall (thank you Amazon, 2 day delivery.)
Even if they have cleaning service, teach them to scrub a toilet, take out the trash, and put another trashbag in the can. Just trust me on this one - they’ll be glad they know how to take care of things, and it will help them believe they can be self-sufficient.
Advice for living with a roommate
Look, it’s not fun, especially these days when the majority never even had to share a room with a sibling. Having a plan for how to navigate certain situations going in will help your student make it through the year. If they are really lucky, they will love their roommate(s) and become life-long friends. The odds of that happening, however, are slim, and that’s okay.
In many ways, this is another life lesson: understanding that you can only control your own behavior and how you choose to react to other people’s choices. My first year roommate got drunk the first night of school and urinated in my dresser drawer. Things progressively became worse, and my way of dealing with it was to leave school on the weekends as much as possible. It actually made me miss out on a lot of memorable college experiences, and I wish I had made a different decision. Our eldest child’s roommate was approved for an emotional support cat … that the girl ended up tethering to the bed and leaving alone for days at a time. The cat would pee all over the place if left loose, but our daughter was worried it would strangle on the leash. So we ended up paying for a lot of cat and cleaning supplies. Our daughter made the mature decision to go to her RA for help, and the issue was resolved.
Being respectful of the space you share with someone else will go a long way towards a positive experience. Kids need to clean up after themselves. Avoid heavily scented perfumes/colognes, detergents, and cleaning supplies. Skip the air fresheners and wax melts - there are always natural options if you need them. Try to be as respectful of your roommate’s schedule as you can, while also advocating for yourself.
Communicating with professors/staff
I know it can be hard to accept, but your child is an adult now. DO NOT email or call professors on their behalf. DO encourage them to reach out, attend office hours, and ask questions. You can even offer to proofread the emails your students are sending, if they would like some feedback. You raised them to watch them fly, and this is the time to let them handle matters on their own. And if they know you still have their back behind the scenes, they will feel much more comfortable taking on this responsibility.
Some schools do have certain deans parents can reach out to with concerns, and certainly do so if you feel the need, especially if it concerns mental health. Deans will most likely remind you that while they can’t share private info, they can encourage your child to use school resources and to share more with their parents.
Local honey
Okay, this one may sound silly, but I have seen it work time and time again for many students, especially those who are going to a college or university in a different area from which they grew up. Our bodies having allergic reactions to changes in environment is a real thing, and local honey works better to alleviate those symptoms than any OTC med (with side effects that definitely impact study habits and energy levels) or an air purifier, which is just a bandaid for the issue (and expensive!) Students can take a spoonful daily, or add to coffee/hot tea. Bonus points if you can score a bottle 2 weeks before your child heads to school.
Power of Attorney
We have a medical and financial POA for both of our adult children (you can even get a FERPA waiver if you feel like you need one.) This isn’t something to enter into lightly, and your child does have to agree to it. Make sure they know this is just in case of emergency so you can ensure they get the best medical care possible and/or not have their credit ruined should they be unable to make decisions. Be sure to check with your state for legal advice. We’ve had students in different states and used Mama Bear Legal Forms with no issue.
Redefining failure
This is great advice no matter what kind of student your child is, but it is especially important if you have one who is a perfectionist or over-achiever. If they see a bad grade, not making the team, not being chosen for Greek life, or not getting along with their roommate as “failure”, it’s time to redefine that before they ever leave home. This is a completely new experience for them, and there will at least be bumps (if not hurdles or Mt. Everests!) along the way. Helping them see this is a learning and growth opportunity. If they know this is just a blip in the journey, they will be much more likely to come to you and even have a plan for improvement ready to share.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Almost everyone is unhappy at some point, if not most of their first year in college. I have spoken to people across multiple generations who all agree on this. It is hard being away from everything you are used to for the first time. It is hard living with someone you aren’t related to (and heck, we already know it can be hard living with people you are.) It is hard being responsible for yourself. I seriously considered transferring, going so far as to submit the paperwork. My parents were fine with that, as long as I gave it a full year’s try. Time and time again, I’ve seen that create success. You can do anything for a year (and let’s be honest, with breaks, it’s really only 8 months), and the majority of students who do find their stride, passion, and friend group, and remain at their original university. If your child is one of the ones who still wants a change after freshman year, GREAT! They have 8 months of evidence they can do hard things and make mature decisions.
For me, second semester of my second year was the hardest academically. I was forcing myself to take classes that I hated because I had a preconceived notion of what a “successful” degree looked like. Chemistry 202 and second semester Calculus were kicking my butt, and I was in danger of failing. As someone who had been pretty much a straight A student, with an occasional B thrown in, this was devastating. I was also pretty independent (first born daughter), so I think my mom knew the fact I was even calling her meant the situation was dire. Instead of judging, she told me it wasn’t the end of the world and asked if I had a plan. I had already looked at summer school classes (in history, the subject I loved) and found a place to live. She and my dad were supportive, summer school was actually great, and since I eventually ended up in a PhD program for history, I’d say things worked out just they way they were meant to.
Helping your student gain the confidence to tackle problems head on with a constructive plan will help them replace the word “failure” with “determination and perseverance."
AS PROMISED
I didn’t forget those of y’all who want something you can check off or scratch out. Here's that list. And the key thing to remember: less is more. It’s 2025, and if your child needs something, you can have it to them within 2 days, if not some day in some places. Take that stress off of your plate, enjoy this new season of life, and remember - you’ve got this!
If you've been thinking about a raw diet for Fido but are hesitant because you think it is difficult, I promise it doesn't have to be.
In the beginning, I measured everything, but years later, I pretty much eyeball it.
- 1 apple, core and seeds removed
- 1 large carrot (I use ahredded because it mixes better)
- 5 oz spinach
- 2 whole eggs (yes, you want the shell in there)
- About 1 cup of whole plain yogurt
- 2-3T ground flaxseed
- 2T olive oil
- 3-4 chicken livers (or other organ meat)
Mix it all in food processor
Combine with about 1.5 lbs ground beef
Make into patties and freeze, then thaw as needed.
Obviously, the size of patties and/or amount you feed your dog will depend on his or her size.
And, of course, this is where I'm supposed to recommend you consult your vet. 😊
