
I wrote this a few weeks ago while I was supposed to be getting ready for graduation. The thoughts hit me so hard that I simply had to take a few minutes to quickly jot them down.
I made the mistake of starting to read Dave Zahl’s newest book, The Big Relief, in between college graduation activities for our eldest. Oh, don’t get me wrong - just a few pages in and I’m reminded of why I love hearing him preach, his podcast, and reading anything he writes. Dave’s mixture of wit, explanation, and understanding always speaks to me. It was simply the wrong time for me to be reading, as I am already emotional, because it reminded me of two things: his discussion of grace took me right to how our Grace was aptly named, and it reminded me just how much I miss church.
I’ll save the discussion of the “grace” part for my full book review, but I needed to jot my church thoughts down right now, even though I’m supposed to be getting dressed to watch my daughter walk the stage.
It took years for our family of five to find a church we all loved. I had grown up in the Episcopal church (as did my husband, briefly), but none of the local ones would do our premarital counseling as we were getting married in a different diocese. So when it came time to explore churches with our kids, I didn’t even look at any of the Episcopal ones. Then I went to a funeral at Christ Church and immediately knew I wanted to bring the kids to a regular service to see if we liked it. I felt peace, the kind of peace I had not felt in years, sitting in that pew. Long story short, they all did, and our family became not only regular members, but volunteers, especially when it came to the children acolyting.
Fast forward to 2020 and the decisions the big wigs of the church (not our local leaders) made. Y’all know I believe in keeping it real, so I’m going to say the church let us down big time. I was severely disappointed in a significant part of our lives being ripped away, especially at a time Grace needed it as she prepared for adulthood. We have a large ministerial staff, and over two years, NOT ONE SINGLE leader reached out to see how our family was doing. That kept me disappointed, but the anger didn’t creep in until Harlow needed a religious letter for his Eagle Scout, and one minister would not answer any of his emails or mine. (Thank you to our former children’s minister for saving the day and writing so eloquently about Harlow’s heart.)
When the church shut down, Harlow was only one class away from being confirmed. The following year, he went back for a few classes he didn’t need to repeat (if you know him, this makes perfect sense), and we attended his Confirmation. Not going to lie, I was there with a bitter heart. My mama bear instincts still felt this place had seriously let my children down. But then something interesting happened.
Our youngest wanted to go back to middle school youth group as soon as it opened. Not only that, but she wanted to attend the 5 o’clock service before, have dinner, and then stay for youth group. I was fine with that as long as I didn’t have to go. So off she went, and she’s been doing that for at least two years, all by herself.
Well, last weekend, it was her turn to be confirmed. I went because I had to … and several people greeted us who genuinely missed us. The bishop gave a sermon that spoke straight to my heart, and suddenly, I felt at peace in that pew again. I don’t know if I’ll turn back into a regular attendee who also volunteers, but I do know I finally feel at home again.