This was one of the best decisions I made when it came to our eldest child’s college graduation.
About 6 weeks prior, she called to ask what we wanted to do each day we were there because all of her friends’ parents had certain nights, times, etc they wanted to go to dinner, take photos … and the list went on and on. I could hear the stress and overwhelm mounting in her voice.
So I said, “We’ll do whatever you want to do whenever. Just tell me where we need to be and when we need to be there.” There was a pause, and then, “Really?”
(You see, go-with-the-flow isn’t my normal personality. I’m a planner. Oh, I’ve gotten way better in my 40s, but when it comes to big events, I usually still like somewhat of an itinerary.)
I told her we still wanted to spend some time with her and take photos, and we did want to take her out for a nice meal or two, but it could be whenever it fit her schedule. I could almost physically feel the relief seeping through the phone.
So we went, we were pretty darn flexible, and our family of 5 had a wonderful time celebrating this amazing young woman.
Turns out the best gift wasn’t money or something tangible, but simply a release of worry and expectation. And that’s something we can all afford to give. ❤️
Parenting a young adult is a whole different ballgame.
The phone call came while she was at school, a couple of states away. She was upset, telling me about a problem, so I offered some suggestions. Her next statement caught me off guard. "Instead of telling me what to do, sometimes I just need you to listen."
I spoke to her a few minutes more, but I had to get off the phone before I said something I was going to regret. My feelings were incredibly hurt. After all, I was only trying to help.
But after I calmed down, I started thinking about when I was her age. And I realized two things. One, I remember feeling almost the same way at times. And two, she will one day understand my intentions were good.
So, the next time she called with a problem, I asked her, "Would you like my help with this, or do you just want me to listen?" And we had a great conversation.
Now, that doesn't mean we've ended all bumps in our relationship, but it sure has gone a long way in improving our communication. Getting ready to see how it works with kid #2.
