Before They Leave the Nest

Whether your child is headed off to college, trade school, or his very first job, there’s a strange mix of excitement and nerves in the air. You’re packing boxes, buying dorm essentials, and scrolling through late‑night checklists that make you wonder if you need three different kinds of tape (spoiler: you don’t).

But the truth is this—what your child really needs aren’t things that can be bought.. It’s not about the twin XL sheets or the shower caddy. It’s about what you gave them to carry inside of themselves.

Here are a few things worth knowing before they close their childhood bedroom door and step into the next season:

If your child can make more than cereal, they are already ahead of the game. Make sure they know how to fix a few basic, inexpensive meals. (Fun story - I knew how to make several dinners, bake multiple desserts, can vegetables and make jam, yet I realized at 20 I didn’t know how long to boil an egg.) Beyond being able to eat decent food, this will build their self-confidence and help their pocketbook.

This was one of those things that really puzzled our eldest when she went to college - people didn’t know how to do laundry, were disrespectful of the communal laundry room, or both. First, make sure your child knows the basics and doesn’t wash a brand new black or red shirt with everything else. Secondly, they should understand that different machines work better with certain detergent options. For example, dorm washing machines are notorious for not completely dissolving laundry pods and have ruined more than one load of clothes. Also, be respectful of others and skip the heavily fragranced stuff.

I really wish someone had warned me that credit card companies love to send all kinds of offers to college students. I knew how to balance a checkbook, and while my high school math classes taught me how to compute compounded interest, living it is a whole other ballgame. You don’t need to be an accountant, but you do need to know how to budget, pay bills on time, and understand how credit works. 18 is a great time to start building credit. Have your child research credit card companies (don’t miss looking at credit unions!), find the best option, and then use it for a couple of small transactions per month, paying it off before the end of each cycle. Think of money as a tool, not a mystery.

I often have people tell me how much they appreciate that my children look them in the eye when speaking, communicate clearly, and know how to shake hands. The reason they take the time to comment? Too few young people have these skills today. Additionally, teach them how to write an email and when it is appropriate to text. I have received more than my fair share of emails that lacked a salutation and/or signature, and the text of the body was rambling and incoherent. Trust me, that doesn’t impress a professor or employer, and they may choose to simply ignore the message. (On an additional note, your child needs to be writing these, NOT the parent. If they want you to proofread, that’s great, but they need to be the author.) Clear and respectful communication will get you far. Manners never go out of style.

We had a less than positive experience at the pediatrician’s office with our eldest child. Right then and there, I promised all of our kids that no matter how old they were, if they wanted me at any kind of appointment with them, I would be there. Here’s the kicker, though. I don’t speak for them. We go over potential questions and answers ahead of time. They know that the medical professional works for THEM, not the other way around. OUr kids are comfortable saying, “I’d like time to think about that information” rather than being forced into a decision in the doctor’s office. Your child needs to know how to make their own appointments. Learn how to ask questions at the doctor’s office, fill out forms, and understand your insurance. Having basic first aid supplies on hand, knowing how to use them, and having confidence in what their body needs will also go a long way towards avoiding unnecessary appointments and charges.

Deadlines are real. Alarms are your friend. Balance matters. Whether it’s coursework or clocking in, being dependable is a skill that sets you apart. Have them practice living by the adage “Early is on time, on time is late.” It is a quickly vanishing skill, and it will help your child stand out in a positive way.

Civil discourse seems to be a dying skill across several generations. Let’s do our part to fix that, shall we? Equipping your child with the ability to handle differing opinions will serve them throughout their lives. It might be something as simple as disagreeing with a roommate over how a shared space should be set up, to a boss who holds different political views, or a coworker with values that don’t align. It will even improve your own relationship with your child as they figure out how to be an adult as they won’t always make decisions that you agree with. After all, it would be strange if they didn’t branch out on their own.

I would add to this, know how to change a tire and jump a car. In addition to basic cleaning skills, show them how to change the battery in a smoke alarm and how to operate a fuse box. Hopefully they already know how to take out the trash (and put a new bag in the can!) and scrub a toilet, but if not, have them start practicing now.

Kids naturally have various confidence levels. Some of them are overflowing (those may need some tips on tempering tendencies), while others need a bit more nudging to try new experiences or speak with strangers. When our children have knowledge about basic skills and practice addressing common occurrences, it is much easier for them to feel confident in new settings and when faced with unknown situations. And you know what will really help them? Knowing that they can reach out when they are unsure of the next step. Independence doesn’t mean doing everything alone. Encourage them to step into adulthood with the confidence to handle life’s bumps—and the wisdom to know when to call home, ask a mentor, or lean on a friend.

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Leaving home for the first time is equal parts adventure and unknown. Our children don’t have to have it all figured out, but a little preparation will make the journey smoother. Think of these nine things not as rules, but as gifts you are empowering them with.

And remember—no matter where they are headed, they are not going alone. They carry with them every lesson, every encouragement, and every “you’ve got this” that helped them get to this point.

So go ahead—tell them to spread their wings. The nest will always be here when they need it.