The College (In)Decision

As someone who taught at both a college and a university, I am fully aware that college is not for everyone. I’ve seen students thrive. I’ve seen students flounder. I’ve seen students waste money because they were there for all the wrong reasons.

But as a momma? I knew in my bones that college was the best next step for our son.

Here’s the twist: knowing something and pushing something are not the same thing.

And because he isn’t my first child, I also knew this was a season to keep my opinions mostly to myself.

The Young Man in Question

A few things about him:

He’s wildly smart across a wide range of subjects.
He loves a good debate.
He hates wasting money.
And he had absolutely no idea what he wanted to major in.

Translation? He wasn’t convinced college made sense.

My husband and I respected that. Truly. But when we asked what he wanted to do instead, there wasn’t an answer. So I made a very simple request:

“Just apply to four or five schools. That doesn’t mean you have to go. It just means you’ll have options.”

You may remember that he didn’t even apply until January of his senior year. Yes, January. We are living proof that the cultural frenzy to have your entire life mapped out by junior year is… unnecessary.

Acceptance letters started rolling in not long after. I asked him to visit one or two campuses. Not commit. Just look.

The First Visit: Logical and Underwhelming

The first school that accepted him offered a solid scholarship package. He attended admitted student day, sat in on a class, came home… and was completely unimpressed.

“The class wasn’t any harder than my dual enrollment classes at the community college. Why would I pay for that?”

It was a fair point. A logical one. I couldn’t argue with him.

So I didn’t.

The School We Quietly Hoped For

Then came the email from the school my husband and I secretly thought would be perfect for him. They invited him to compete for a full four-year scholarship.

It also happened to be one of the only schools we know that stacks scholarships for Eagle Scouts on top of academic awards. As parents of an Eagle Scout, that caught our attention.

I encouraged him to interview. “If nothing else,” I told him, “interview experience is always valuable.”

He agreed.

The event was incredible. The students were sharp. The faculty engaged. The parents’ panel honest and encouraging. It felt different.

But at the end of the day?

Still no decision.

The Unexpected Voice of Clarity

The next day, families were invited to tour campus more casually, so our youngest daughter came along.

About an hour in, she leaned over and whispered, “This is the perfect fit for him.”

I asked why.

“Everyone is so smart and polite. Just like he is.”

Out of the mouths of siblings.

I told her I agreed — and also told her not to say a word. The last thing we wanted was for him to feel pressured.

The Campus Store Moment

If you’ve never toured colleges, this may sound ridiculous, but our oldest daughter bought a shirt or sweatshirt at every campus she visited — even ones she didn’t attend. Apparently this is a thing.

We ended the day in the campus store.

And y’all… I wanted a sticker for my car so badly.

But he still hadn’t said a word.

As we wandered between racks of hoodies and shelves of branded mugs, I finally asked:

“Okay. If not here… then where?”

He looked down and quietly said, “I made up my mind months ago. I just didn’t think you’d believe me.”

I’m fairly certain my jaw actually hit the floor.

“I want to go here.”

I was thrilled. Not because he chose what we hoped — but because I truly believed this place would stretch him, sharpen him, and surround him with people who would challenge him in the best ways.

But I had to know.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

He hesitated. Then softly said, “What if I come here and then don’t like it?”

Oh, that momma heart moment.

This wasn’t indecision. It was weight. Responsibility. The fear of making the wrong choice.

So I told him the simplest truth I could:

“Then you leave and do something else. Not a problem.”

The Shift

I wish you could have seen him.

His shoulders lifted. His eyes came up from the floor. The heaviness evaporated.

Within minutes he was talking about:

Getting a new bookbag
Campus jobs
Whether he’d need a used car
Classes he thought would interest him

Suddenly, his future felt exciting again.

And yes. I bought the sticker.

The Real Lesson (For Me)

This wasn’t a story about picking the “right” college.

It was a lesson in patience.

In not forcing the outcome I thought was best.

In giving him the tools to evaluate wisely — and then having the courage to step back and let him use them.

This time, his decision aligned with what we had quietly hoped for. But I’m not naïve. It easily could have gone another direction. And I had already done the internal work to be supportive no matter what he chose.

Because at the end of the day, the win wasn’t the school.

The win was watching him own his decision.

For the Parents in the Back

If your child waits until the last minute…
If they change their mind…
If they consider a gap year…
If they pivot entirely…

Breathe.

Our job isn’t to control the outcome.
It’s to prepare them for it.

When they know they can choose — and that home remains steady no matter what — that’s when you see the confidence return.

(And for those who love a spoiler: he made Dean’s List his first semester, found an incredible group of friends, and is thriving.

And to the people who still insist homeschooling ruins college chances? We’ll just quietly smile over here.)

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